So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
