No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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