So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
whose parrot is this?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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