I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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