I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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