I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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