you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
