her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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