so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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