oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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