Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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