guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
