love makes seman taste better
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
