theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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