do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
there is glitter all over my balls
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