I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
