so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
