My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
