I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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