I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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