i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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