i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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