Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
