He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
