BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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