so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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