he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
