Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
