it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
