What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
