every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
you had me at cake vodka
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
