My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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