Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Randomize
