being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
