I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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