well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
