And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
