he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
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