I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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