just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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