is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize