it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
