My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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