Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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