You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
well, you know. whores of a feather.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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