the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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