i think i have herpe
just one?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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