So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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