you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
