I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Randomize
