I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
