If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
