do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
he shaved USA in his pubs
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
