it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
