Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Randomize