i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
