He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
