If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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