I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
