Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
