bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
well you can't waste a boner
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
