she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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