i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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