Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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