I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
