I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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