New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
