i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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