I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
We left the knife in your bed.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
