yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
