I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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