You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
