Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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