I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Someone shattered a urinal.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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