"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
