if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
