WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
