I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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